My Most favorite Memory…

I wrote an article few days back in which I shared some tips for memorizing Quran… (you can read it here) But those were just a collection from online sources. Later I felt that I should also share my personal experiences… but before I give you a summary of all the plus and minus points of my journey, I want to share another article that I wrote even before I started this blog… in fact this was a letter to my teacher as I embarked upon Surah Al-Waqiah in my course of taleem ul Quran… words that just poured out of my heart… one cold evening in the winters of 2005… 

When I was 20 and my daughter was a few month old, there came on my doorstep a “Madrassa boy” who was holding a few books and asked for charity. I gave him some money and he gave me a small red book. I was not interested but he insisted so I just took it and without looking put it aside. A couple of days afterwards my husband had to go out of town for a week and I was left all alone. I was very afraid of the dark and at night when my daughter was asleep I began to feel terrified that I will die if I go to sleep and what will become of my child. So I just sat on the sofa and tried to pass the time when I saw the same book. I picked it up thinking that it might help. I saw that there were a lot of wazeefas in it and then there were a few Surahs. The first one was Surah Yaseen. I started reading it hoping to dispel my fear. Suddenly I had an idea that if I memorize it then I can read it whenever I feel afraid. So I began to learn 4 Ayat daily along with the translation. It used to give me so much pleasure to try to match the words with their meaning. I couldn’t really comprehend what was behind these words but nevertheless it had a very soothing effect on me. So I decided to continue my HOBBY and learned the next Surah as well which was Surah Rahman. This was also a familiar name. After this there was a new name WAQIA. I had never heard of it so I turned a few pages to see if I could discover a familiar name but there was none that I recognized. So I decided to do Surah Waqiah. As soon as I read the first few lines it had a miraculous effect on me. The scene of the akhirat seemed so real and the way people were being categorized into three parts was awesome. You must understand that I had never heard any tafseer or translation whatsoever. I had always thought that Quran would be just a list of instructions but this was amazing. But the most wonderful Ayat came the next day “WASSABIQOON ASSABIQOON” and I felt like there was someone urging me forward. But I was alone in my excitement even then. And did not know what to do. I was just at the end of this Surah when I had to move out of town for a couple of months. I tried to maintain my routine there but someone told me that I should not memorize the Quran like this without a teacher and when I asked where I will find a teacher I was told to come out of my dreams and live in reality. After all what more do you want? You have a family life. You are well provided for. Look after the house and just have a good time. Meet people make friends. Attend parties, arrange parties, say your prayer once a week and that’s quite enough. And so little by little the passion died away and was replaced by an unknown anxiety and dissatisfaction. I tried to fit in with my lifestyle but could only pretend at the most. I felt like an alien whose language no one understood. I learnt their language but no one spoke mine. At times I remembered that I had memorized three Sarah’s and forgotten them so Allah will punish me for committing this sin.

And then it was the year 2001 when I got a computer and Purely by chance found the recitation of Surah WAQIA by Abdullah basfer and translated in the voice of  Ibrahim Walk. I need not say that I was like a thirsty person in a desert who at last found a stream of cold crystal clear water. I just soaked in the words and listened to it day and night. I re-learned it and even when I was walking or cooking or just sitting in a waiting room or trying to sleep (by that time I had aquired a number of diseases including lack of sleep) I would recite this beautiful Surah. I didn’t even know the word “Tajweed” but because I had copied it so well I was following the rules of Tajweed even without knowing!! One day I thought that maybe I will learn other Surahs too so I wrote an oath to myself in my diary that from now on I am going to learn the Quran and see what Allah has said to us. So from page one I started to spend some time daily trying to match word to word. I made notes and felt really good that at last I was doing something worthwhile. A couple of days later a friend came and asked why I was looking so preoccupied. I told her about my plan and she said that she had some cassettes which she would lend me. So she sent me the set of fahm-ul-quran. When first I listened to these lectures I had a hard time adjusting to it because I came to know for the first time that Quran is not only about enjoying beautiful words and beautiful sounds , rather it is based on commitment and hard work. The standards of a grateful person, A Mohsin, A muttaqi, seemed so far away but then I realized that the sabiqoon are not just pretty people speaking in beautiful accents. And I wanted nothing less than that so I forced myself to do the lessons daily. And here I am today, still a very imperfect person but trying to be good …….. Khurram Murad has so rightly said: “Islam is not a state of being. Rather it’s a state of becoming”

2 thoughts on “My Most favorite Memory…

  1. Dear friend you are a beautiful person, who is trying to help other less fortunate people, to find the way back to Allah (swt).
    May Allah reward you abundantly for your efforts…..xxx

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