Don’t Waste your Energy…

A couple of days back a friend called me and began to talk about how difficult life had become when everybody had become so selfish and neglectful of their duties. She is very very intelligent and so can analyse deeply about different issues… But lately I had been feeling that excessive criticism leads you to permanent irritation and the mind gets so negative that you can’t even appreciate any goodness at all… Shaitan is so clever that he uses our intelligence in excessive analysis about others to such an extent that we forget our own accountability which should be our main concern. So today I decided to caution my dear freind. I told her very politely that her attitude is damaging her own self and her energy is being wasted in non-productive complaints about things which will not change simply because you are angry at them. I told her to imagine she is in the akhirah, will Allah ask her about how good or bad any other person is and why is he the way he is? What if Allah asks you, what did you do to stop it? How you tried to change the situation? And if we are actually taking any steps to create a positive change then that is the only thing which should concern us…only when we shift our energy and observation to our own responsibility then we will be able to see how and where we can help. Otherwise just saying everyone is bad is of no use at all. Well she went very quiet (which is against her usual attitude) and I thought maybe she had been hurt by my open truth…I began to feel bad but then I thought maybe it will do some good…my intention was good and I had tried to remain as polite as possible and light and cheerful (normally I tend to get very angry too but that day Allah gave me some better sense!!)

Anyway it was such a pleasant surprise, that just two days after this episode, she called me to ask if she could come over…it is a miracle because for more than two years she has been living in the same city and had not found time to visit me even though I had gone a couple of times to her place…but now just when I was thinking that I had lost a friend, there she was in my house and the affection and courtesy in her attitude was amazing.

The lesson of the story is that we have this logic that if someone is told the truth then he will be hurt or annoyed… instead I learned that it doesn’t matter what you say but actually HOW we say it… so if you criticize in a pleasant way, this can be very beneficial… especially if you do it in 101% sincerity and helpfulness and in no way make the other feel that you are trying to act superior.

She said that my sentences had been inscribed in her mind and she had started applying it in all aspects…when someone annoys her she thinks that she is responsible only for her own deeds…. although she knew it before but had never really implemented it before….

So we must keep reminding and helping others, while remembering that we are also in need of such help… so if someone points out some flaw in me then I should also take it positively… after all it is in my benefit to accept my mistakes now when I have the chance to repent and make corrections… instead of finding out the truth when it is too late… May Allah save us from such a regret… Ameen

2 thoughts on “Don’t Waste your Energy…

  1. I can truely feel you ! 🙂
    I have an amazing friend who is very God fearing and very humble but not a practicing muslim .. the reason being simply her lack of knowledge..so I always kept good terms with her so I can benefit her by forwarding the knowledge that I receive..

    So her husband works in a bank and is at a very high post, he also drinks alot ..that gives me more reason to sympathize with my friend cz she doesnt even have a favourable environment or husband’s support to gain any religious knowledge…
    Anyways she came to my home during summer vacations and stayed with us for a day ..our kids are the same age..she insisted that I come over to her place for a sleep over right now as our kids were pleading both of us to continue the party at my friend’s place which meant having 2-3 meals at her place which meant eating from her husband’s income which is solely interesed-based..

    Btw last year I did have a sleep over at her place and even ate from her place but at that time I was in doubt but this time I was a but morr informef..but the problem was how to tell her??? :/

    That day somehow we couldnt go by Allah’s will but I promised her son I will bring my kids to their home this wk..now she would call in everyday to ask when will we come as her son was missing my sons..I reslized how silly it was of me to make a promise

    So finally I decided to talk to her about it..there was no way out :/
    I told her that i love her and I will come but I wont eat anything
    I dint get over excited Alhamdulillah (I’m always scared of that) She told me she had no idea there could be anything wrong with Bank income but I guess at some point I went into too much detail and she cut the phone line in the middle 😦
    anyways I left a msg aplogizing for being too nudgy..and in my heart I felt this was the end of our friendship..
    But surprizingly I received a call from her on the day of Arafah telling me that she’s going to Egypt and wanted to eish Eid bfr she left.. I was soooo happy ! She really made my day 🙂
    although she dint say anything about our last talk but im very happy she atleast took an initiative to call 🙂
    May Allah bless her..and give me wisdom

    • Alhamdulillah so nice to read your story… you did well to inform her about right and wrong… and I am impressed by how lovingly you did it… inshaAllah one day you will see the effects…
      Our job is to convey the truth as best as we can… our access is only till the ears…
      And from the ears to the heart is purely from Allah’s blessing… and we should pray for it…

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