Want to get rid of backbiting?

Ok so lets get down right to the root of the problem… why do we do gheebat? I mean what comes out of the mouth in the form of words is just a demonstration… it’s just the smoke of what actually is burning deep inside the heart…

It could be the fire of anger… someone did an injustice to you or what you perceive it as an injustice… and you want to announce it to the whole world as a form of revenge…

OR… It could be the fire of insecurity… feeling inferior or let down by others and so you want to gain sympathy or approval or both… by expressing how bad others are…

OR… It could be the fire of pride and arrogance which makes you want to express how inferior others are so that you can retain that false image of being better than others…

OR… It could be just a desire to gossip… and you are among people who just love to talk about others and make fun of them behind their back… thinking that they are just entertaining themselves…

Whatever the case might be the things is that to treat this disease and uproot it from our system, we first need to find out the real motive… why we want to talk like this? What is the root cause?

What I think is most common is our desire to look better than others… to be the best…

Well there is nothing wrong with this desire… In fact Allah has himself put this urge inside us to excel and be on the top… but you know what… this quality was given to us so that we could strive to excel in good deeds and in being the best slaves of Allah…

So next time you want to look better than others remember that the key to be the best in Allah’s eyes and also in people’s eyes is to be humble and kind and appreciative about others… the more you admit other people’s good qualities the better you will look to Allah… and if Allah will love you then he will put love for you in the hearts of people too.

On the other hand the more negatively you speak about others the more disgusting you become in the eyes of Allah and what good can anyone achieve if Allah doesn’t like a person?

As a small exercise look into the mirror or tell someone to record your video as you talk badly about others… see how bitter your face becomes… and then take another look at yourself when you talk kindly about the same person… can you see the difference??

And now coming to the last question… very important question… how not to think bad about others specially when we have forgiven them for whatever mistakes they made?

Well the bad memories can be erased only when you replace them with good memories. Whatever good you do today will become a good memory to think back on. So think of ideas of how you can create good memories with people who have hurt you in any way… maybe you can give them a gift from time to time… and be genuinely happy in giving them happiness… invite them on a picnic… spend happy times together… help them whenever you can… talk good about them…

One good tip is to make a gratitude journal about the people in your life and dedicate a few pages for each person and write how grateful you are to Allah that He brought this person in your life because they have such and such great qualities… or they did so and so good things to you…

So don’t be a prisoner of bad thoughts… replace them with good ones and create happiness for yourself and others… all the while expecting your reward only from Allah… if people don’t appreciate or reciprocate just forgive them and move on with life… it is too short anyway… so make the most of it while you have it…