expectations

I have spoken/written a lot on the negative effects of backbiting but just pointing out at something wrong isn’t enough… we must come up with a solution too!

But the solution of any problem is to eliminate the root cause… so we must find out why we are so addicted to backbiting… what is the underlying reason for saying unpleasant things about others?

There can be many reasons but one of them which I want to highlight is that often times we are angry or resentful towards people because they might have done some “injustice” towards us… e.g. we do good to others but they do not return it… or they might not even appreciate it… or they take undue advantage from our softness… 

Even though such attitudes do hurt a lot but still we can manage to keep our hearts free from resentment by reminding ourselves again and again that whatever good we do is for Allah… so even if people do not reciprocate, it won’t matter because Allah will give its reward both in this world and the next… so we should keep doing good anyway… without focusing on what we are getting in return… because the moment you start expecting appreciation from people or justice or fairness… then you are setting yourself for disappointment… because people can never be the way you want them to be… simply because their personality and behaviour is the product of their own upbringing… so they have their own way of doing things… therefore the safest thing is to keep your focus on your own deeds and how they look in the sight of Allah…

just like when we pray or read Quran we dont look up at the sky whether the rewards are coming down to us or not… we just do the best and trust in the generosity and mercy of Allah that one day He will make us experience its consequences…

Just imagine how tense and miserable we would be if we were always looking for rewards in this world…

Because this is the place for action and not for rewards… that is destined to be in the hereafter… whether it is worship of Allah or whether it is being good to people.

The more we can develop this thought the more we will get rid of the misery that comes with broken expectations… and then there will be no negative feelings and no need to express them in backbiting…

So it all starts with focus on Allah as the provider of everything… even happiness and satisfaction will come from him…

May Allah guide us and make us free from all negative feelings and words… so that we can taste the sweetness of pure faith… ameen 

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