The freedom of the heart…

The Quran is full of reminders from Allah that the thing which is going to benefit us the most, after having faith in Him, is to become beneficial… not just for people but all the creatures whether animate or inanimate… everything deserves our best treatment.

Although we all understand the benefits and rewards of being good to others but what we fail to realize and/or implement is the concept of unconditional goodness.

When I learnt that by doing a favour to those from whom we don’t expect any reciprocation is highly pleasing to Allah… I started to act on it and really experienced great happiness and satisfaction to think that I have moved beyond my limited vision… but the moment I encounter any injustice from others or feel like someone is taking undue advantage of me because they are so sure I will not forgo my good behaviour then it gives me a pain which is hard to bear… and I think it is not very uncommon to feel like this whenever you feel betrayed by those very people to whom you have been so good… Ya Allah how it hurts!

But apart from the turmoil of emotions that hits me like a storm after any such episode; another far greater misery arises from the fact that I no longer want to be good to these “unfair” culprits who have ruined my peace of heart with their unkind or rude or selfish behaviour.

And so a battle comes into action between my nafs and my faith… and I get so confused between the urge to teach them a lesson (nafs) and the teachings of Allah to be unconditionally good no matter what (faith). The shaitan loves this game because it makes me angry… and non productive even if outwardly I maintain my composure… he loves to see my heart burning… and throws even more logs of self-justification that if I continue to do good to such people then I am responsible for their bad behaviour and so Allah will also not be pleased with me… so why should I not teach them a lesson!

But Alhamdulillah reading the Quran and the warnings about shatitan and how he plays with the emotions of our nafs, I have learnt to recognize this trick so I don’t follow it… but still the heart keeps hurting and burning with the fire of anger and resentment… which makes me feel like so far removed from Allah’s love… so lost and forlorn without his mercyL

I have longed to discuss this problem with someone for a long time but haven’t been able to do so… and this time when such an episode happened, I got really scared that I am never going to reach anywhere unless I get myself off this roller coaster of harmful emotions… but how am I going to do so? How to get rid of this?

So I really talked it out with Allah and asked him to please cool my heart and give me such a shield of faith and wisdom that I can be unaffected by other people’s behaviour so that I can keep my focus on my own faith and actions instead of punishing myself for the folly of others.

Well I got my answer just now and I am so very excited to have found it that I decided to write it down and never lose sight of it again… in-sha-Allah

I was memorizing Surah “At-Taghabun” and when I reached ayah no-11… I felt like Allah was speaking directly to me:

No disaster strikes except by permission of Allah . And whoever believes in Allah – He will guide his heart. And Allah is Knowing of all things. (64:11)

Allah made me see so clearly that whenever I suffer any pain, whether it is from natural means or through people… then I should remember that Allah allowed it to happen to me for a purpose… and He knows the wisdom behind every event and so if I keep my faith and focus on Him then I can feel secure in His mercy and be at peace.

Reading this lesson directly from Allah, has made me realize my mistake that I have learnt to attach my happiness with people… if they are fair in their dealings then I am happy… if they act otherwise then I get upset… then its like placing my heart on the edge of a cliff… it can fall anytime!!

Because people have their own minds and their own level of justice or lack of it… so they will always keep doing things which will be totally unacceptable to me…

Therefore the only solution is to make Allah’s justice and perfection the nucleus of my focus… and remain peaceful and content that no harm can touch me if He has not decreed it… my destiny is in His hands alone…

As Allah says in the same surah:

Allah – there is no deity except Him. And upon Allah let the believers rely…(64:13)

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