My Ramadan story 1435/2014

This is the story of my Ramadan which I want to share for two reasons. One is that I want to record it for my own good… so that I can read it from time to time and check whether I am living according to the lessons that I learned… secondly I hope to make everybody think deeply about what was the one great thing which Allah gave them this Ramadan which they can hold on to for the rest of the year and use it as a motivation for further improvement in their lives. May Allah keep my intention pure for His sake and save me from show-off or self praise… and all other contaminations which spoil good deeds and make them useless.

This year the one thing which was different in my case was that I started preparing for Ramadan well in time… most of all I wanted to revise all the surahs I have memorised so that I could read them in my salah especially in the night prayers. And then I had a whole list of other plans which I called my “wish-list”… hoping and praying to do all of that in the most excellent way… I was quite happy with myself that I was not in my usual mode of “desperate last minute rush”… Alhamdulillah things looked great… but then in shabaan things started to lag behind… some health problems, some other things started to pull me down and I just couldn’t get down to putting my “wish-list” into some kind of planner… suddenly I found myself only 10 days away from Ramadan and still my preparation was not done… I began to feel thoroughly discouraged and disappointed with my lack of management, when I got the news that Dr Farhat Hashmi was going to do dawra Quran live… and will start the classes six days ahead of Ramadan… Ya Allah what was I going to do???

On one hand it was like my most precious dream was coming alive… But my heart cried in agony… how was I going to become a part of it?

How will I be able to attend all the classes? Considering the obstacles in my way (which I don’t want to elaborate upon) it seemed impossible… and yet how could I miss this opportunity?

And so that night when I went to bed, I just couldn’t sleep… silent tears of helplessness wet my pillow as I lay on my side… and I prayed as I had never prayed before… “Ya Allah give me this gift of Quran… If I don’t have the right intention; then help me to make it right… If I don’t have the energy then I ask you to give me that energy and strength… If I lack determination then give me that… If I lack the true desire then I beg you to give me that… and as for the hurdles which seem impossible for me to remove then I ask you to remove them because you can do everything…”

If ever in my life I had thought that I had some part in something good that I had done… I mean if I had ever given myself any credit whatsoever… all of that vanished that night and I realized myself to be an empty handed beggar in front of Allah… I had nothing and He had everything…

Even though in that pain I felt like giving up my dream was the easiest solution… and I had so many arguments in that favour… I could tell myself that by not going I would be free to do so many other things… but my conscience fought back all these lame excuses because I was utterly convinced that learning Quran from cover to cover in 30 days was what I needed to make this Ramadan the life changing event which it is supposed to be…

It’s not that I had never learned Quran before… I had completed my Taleem-ul-Quran course about 8 years ago and since then have been in touch with my Islamic education one way or the other. But lately I started having this idea that the passion for spreading the message of Quran which was like a blazing fire in my heart… had gone damp and lifeless… not completely of course… there were still some smouldering embers remaining… enough to make me uncomfortable with my inactive lifestyle… But I yearned to have that passion re-ignited so that I could really do something significant for the sake of Allah and be among his favourites who join others to him not only through their words but more through their characters and deeds…

And all of this could be achieved by learning Quran once again in the presence and company of people who have that passion… in the hope that their conviction and certainty might reflect from me too… Just like the moon reflects the sun… having no light of its own yet shining so brilliantly and making the dark night so beautiful and charming…

And so I kept asking Allah and focused all my thoughts and actions in that direction… until finally the miracle happened and I found myself sitting in the class of dawra-e-Quran…!!!

The first day I thought maybe this was only going to be a one-time visit… but then the next class I was there and the next and the next… every single day was a surprise to me because really I did not expect to be able to go… I would be lying in my bed… groggy from lack of sleep and lack of energy due to anaemia… thinking it useless to even try to get up… all sorts of other problems surrounding me and pulling me back… but then I would be reminded of Allah’s immense favour on me which simply could not be denied… couldn’t afford to say no when He had put the opportunity right in front of me… what were my pains and my sacrifices as compared to His bounties? And then I would crawl out of bed… and get ready to go… day after day… time after time…

InshaAllah I am going to share in the upcoming episodes all the gems that I collected from the Quran but the first and foremost lesson which Allah taught me through this experience was that if we really and truly think that we need to do something then first of all we need to have a true understanding of the benefit of that specific thing. Because if you will truly realize the benefit of something only then you will do all that is necessary to get it. You will be ready to pay the price only when you think that you simply cannot do without the thing you are about to buy… whether it is something material or spiritual…

The other thing I learned was that whenever we think that we lack some important ingredient without which we cannot be successful then all we need is to ask Allah for that. Because there are so many factors that keep us behind… most of them are purely psychological… like fear of failure… or fear of people… or fear of situations… or a heightened sense of inferiority or inadequacy… or passiveness… or laziness… or doubts in religion… or indecisiveness etc etc… Although we must acquire knowledge on how to attain a balanced way of thinking… we must put in our best effort to attain a productive attitude… but at the end of the day it is all in Allah’s hands… so making duas and believing that Allah can remove these inner hurdles is extremely important.

(To be continued)

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2 thoughts on “My Ramadan story 1435/2014

  1. Allahoo Akbar. Allahoo Akbar. Subhan Allah Sister. What an article. It pierced my heart. This post of yours was something I really needed. How to ask Allah in such a beautiful way and using such words. Infact it showed me so many things we truly lack and need to ask from Allah. Both the gems you shared above were very very beneficial for me in the situation im going through. I myself did not know what I am feeling and you put them exactly in words!!! Allah has always provided a balm to my distressed soul through your writings. Jazak Allahoo Khayr my lovely sister. May we meet in this world one day and may we unite in Jannah for ever, Aameen.

    • Assalamualaikum dear sister… How can I ever thank Allah enough for this blessing that He out of His special mercy allows me to write something which might be beneficial to others… and then allows you to read and give me your precious feedback which gives me the motivation to write more!!! Alhamdulillah for all His blessings:)

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