A couple of days back I listened to a lecture on the importance of the Night prayer… called Tahajjud. The speaker said that to pray in the hours before dawn is the true indicator of your love for Allah and His love for you. Because no one can leave the comfort of the bed… and the sweetness of the deep sleep at that time… except the one who loves Allah and the one whom Allah loves.
This made me feel so sad that if I don’t get up at that time then does it mean that my claim of loving Allah is false? And does it also mean that Allah doesn’t love me? And if I don’t love Him and He doesn’t love me then what have I gained in life?
And so I spent the whole day thinking and re-thinking whether the excuses I make in not praying Tahajjud are true?
No-1- Excuse:—— I am not well… the celiac disease has damaged my muscles and nerves and my whole body gets stiff when I sit in one position for even half an hour and it’s a struggle to turn my side while in bed. So getting out of bed is a huge and painful struggle… something I cannot do until it is absolutely necessary… like praying the obligatory prayer at fajr.
No-2- Excuse:——- My sleep pattern is not right. Even when I go to bed early, I cannot fall asleep till a couple of hours of tossing and turning… So how can I wake up so early when my sleep has not even touched the minimum limit?
No-3- Excuse:——- I am afraid of the dark and going for wudhu at that time scares me…
But when I made dua to Allah that please remove these obstacles because I want to love you and I want you to love me… I realized that these obstacles had become so “huge” because I had not even tried to solve them…
Even writing these excuses makes me feel ashamed of myself that why haven’t I ever seen them in this light before? It’s because I have never really written them before… never questioned their authenticity before… never analysed them before… Never put them before Allah and asked for solutions… never made dua for Him to make it easy for me. Because I just decided that it was not for “weak” people like me.
And then it makes me think that how many of our ideas, thoughts and decisions do we take as the last word… without writing them, without analysing them and without putting them before Allah in duas?
And the best part is that after praying to Allah when I went out for my daily walk I remembered a time, few years back when a dear friend of mine was living in Canada and we used to talk when she would come back from work… which was around 2 a.m. my time… And it never bothered me to wake up for her because it was a pleasure which I loved so much.
So I almost stopped in my tracks when I realized this and asked myself: “Imagine if someone most dearest to your heart calls you at that hour, will you think of your sleep more important or will you just rush to pick the phone?”
Imagine if the same person tells you the unbelievable news that he/she is standing outside your house!!… Will you not jump out of your bed to open the door? Or will you think “Oh! It is so difficult to straighten my back?
What if each and every moment you spent alone with Allah became as precious to you as your most beloved moments?
Ya Allah please forgive me my ignorance and my weakness and make me of those who “truly” love you and seek your love and those who spend precious moments with you in the hours before dawn… ameen