I learned the meanings of Quran through the correspondence course at alhuda; and have really enjoyed studying at home, all alone… without any distractions, just me and my computer and the lovely voice of my teacher opening to me the wonderful meanings of Allah’s words and the profound wisdom of the message of Quran. Truly each and every moment spent in this self-education was a treasure in itself. But there was one point on which I used to get stuck… whenever the teacher focused on the need to study Quran in a group. She would always say that it is not possible to understand Quran just by listening to lectures at home. And I would be so confused because it was totally opposite to what I was experiencing. Then I would think that it is probably because most people don’t have any real motivation and determination for learning Quran, and so they need people as a support. But if that is the case then what they are doing is not for Allah but for people. So thank God that I have been blessed with so much genuine love and eagerness for Quran so I don’t need other people to lean on…
That is why even last Ramadan I did not make any effort to join any gathering for Daur-e-Quran. Instead I was happy to download the lessons one by one and did it alone, in the comfort of my bedroom, writing meticulous notes in a pretty little note book… everything purely for the pleasure of Allah… no show off… nothing to spoil my purity… (I wonder how I was so blind to my arrogance!!)
Anyway this year, Allah was even more kind to me that He didn’t let any of my plans for self education come true… in fact the more I tried to listen to some lectures the more I failed at completing my targets… I thought that since I was working at the children’s summer camp, so perhaps this new experience of going out of the house in Ramadan was making time management so impossible for me. But this worry of not spending enough quality time with Quran was constantly making me miserable and I was so scared that may be I had done something real bad that Allah is angry with me and so on…
Anyway as the summer camp ended on Friday I had the weekend to decide how to spend the rest of the Ramadan… My heart was amazed at even this need of deciding when it was so obvious what I wanted… naturally I was dying to take up my Quran, lock myself in my room and let my spirit fly in the fantastic world of Quran… But something told me that although this was what I “wanted” yet it was not what I “needed”. Finally on Monday morning I forced myself to get out of my bed and got ready to go to the Daur-e-Quran class being held at alhuda. My heart gave me so many excuses of not going but this time I didn’t listen to it because a voice inside me was telling me that I needed to get out of my shell and join the group on which Allah sends his special mercy… and I really need it…
When I got there the room was full and I got a space at the back (something that I don’t like at all) On top of that there were three kids who made such a noise and mess that I wished I could just get up and go back to my quiet house… why had I even come? But that same voice scolded me “keep sitting and if you don’t like it then it is all the better… enough pampering you have got… now get some sense too!!”
And so I held on… gradually all the discomforts seemed to dissolve and I began to be absorbed by the beauty of Quran. The words I specially loved came at the end of Surah Al-Hijr
And We already know that your heart is constrained by what they say.
So exalt [ Allah ] with praise of your Lord and be of those who prostrate [to Him].
And worship your Lord until there comes to you the certainty (death).
In discussion time I shared with the class an idea of making a “first aid box” so that in case someone breaks our heart, and we feel so sad and depressed, we can just go and open this box and repair our wounded hearts by the balm of Allah’s soothing words, the duas taught in the Quran and Hadith or simply by the beautiful words of Tasbih.
They all loved this idea and I felt so guilty in my heart that I had never actually acted on it even though I have thought of it for such a long time. And then there came to my mind many other things which I keep putting off… simply through poor time management and laziness.
when I came home I was filled with a new found determination to “do” something, instead of just making day dreams… and so I took out a box and filled it with sweet little dua cards, a pocket size Quran, a lovely Tasbeeh which someone had presented me, the small book about the Prophet (s.a.w) and the book of duas called “the fortress of the Muslim”.
I was also able to write my first article of this Ramadan, which I posted on the blog. And even felt enthusiastic in my house-work and was able to spend good quality time with family. Obviously all this was the barakah of Quran…
And so I learned the truth that even though it is a great treat to spend time alone with Allah and maybe I can understand Quran better in an environment which I love, But I did not come into this world to just satisfy my desires… It is more important that I share my knowledge with others too…. and look how Allah blessed me with something which I had not even dreamed of…. and that is the motivation to act on Quran.
Today when I showed my first aid box to the class they were all so excited and the teacher said that we should make such boxes and put on alhuda stall. Then we discussed on other ideas like “Shifa box”, “prayer box” and so on…
So I learned that even though I can get better understanding at home but the energy for application comes only when we work together in a group. We are all human beings… imperfect and incomplete… and Allah has made us like this so that we can find our perfection and completeness only when we join hands and be united in the way of Allah.
And Finally I also got rid of this misconception that in this way we will be doing things to look good to people… no… This is not “for” people, rather it is “with” people but “for” AllahJ