Hajj Journal – the 23rd and final episode!

The days and nights in Madinah seemed to flow in such a soft harmony that it felt like a dream. Even the sky had a different colour than all the other places I have ever seen. Especially at dawn and sunset everything seemed to reflect the shades of the Masjid itself. My eyes just drank in all the lovely colours and tones… from the floor to the sky, to the minarets and the enchantingly beautiful umbrellas opening and folding like the wings of some majestic birds…

Altogether I felt like I was somewhere totally out of this world. Even the movements of people had a soft flowing quality… and as I walked to and from the Masjid I never had any fear at all. My soul felt like it was being healed… because for the first time in my life I felt like there was no worry, no tension… just the pleasure of worshipping Allah day and night and best of all to walk to the beautiful Masjid of my beloved Prophet (s.a.w) again and again…

But no matter how much I tried to forget that very soon I was going to leave that blessed place and go back to my “normal” life, the realization of this fact never quite left me… and as the end drew nearer and nearer, my heart became heavier and heavier with an ever growing sadness…

I wanted to share this feeling with others but they were too busy shopping, shopping… and yet more shopping… it seemed like a ritual which HAD to be done… as if the acceptance of their hajj depended on how much stuff they could collect… Allah has not forbidden us to acquire material benefits from this world but surely He doesn’t like us to be so involved in it that it becomes our main objective, our main source of pleasure… our obsession…

Anyway, our time in Madinah came to an end… the last day, the last evening, the last sunset, and finally the last prayer in the Prophet’s Masjid… which was Isha… and we left for the airport in the middle of the night. On one hand was the melancholy of leaving that beautiful spiritual existence… and on the other hand was the sudden awareness of a responsibility that from now on I would have to guard my thoughts, my words and my actions, more than ever before, because I have done hajj… If Allah has accepted it then all my previous sins have been washed and my record has been cleared… my life now is like a brilliant new diary with exactly the same number of pages as the remaining days of my life… what I write on every page is my test…

Will I be able to keep it clean and beautiful? Will I meet my Lord with a diary full of good deeds? Will I be able to proudly show it to others? As Allah describes in the Quran the happiness of the successful people in these heart moving words:

So as for he who is given his record in his right hand, he will say, “Here, read my record!(69:19)

With these mixed emotions of happiness, sadness and an increased sense of responsibility, I looked out of the window of the airplane, as we took off a little before dawn… the lights below seemed to be saying a silent farewell… and then it was completely dark as the city was left far behind… But soon the amazing miracle of daylight breaking into the dark sky was revealed before me… and it captivated me so much that I forgot all other things and the only feeling which filled my heart was of love and humbleness for the Lord who had created me and to whom I was going to return. I felt like this mesmerising light of the rising sun was indeed a sign of hope for me that even if I was leaving behind the most blessed places on earth, Allah is always going to be with me wherever I might be… and He is the one who really matters after all… what a beautiful feeling it was which I experienced so deeply but can never really capture in words…

Our stopover in Dubai was of several hours and finally it was time for the flight back home. My yearning to meet my children rose up inside me so painfully that I was amazed how I had kept it aside for almost a month… and then I understood that it was also a mercy of Allah that he makes us forget all other things on this journey so that we can concentrate on the actual purpose of Hajj… which is to acquire a deeper connection with Allah… to make His love and His pleasure our ultimate purpose of life.

We reached home a little before dawn… the best thing was to see my children looking so confident and wise… obviously the experience of living without the constant care of parents had been a beneficial training for them as well:)

I can’t find the words to describe the gratitude and happiness of getting together again… flowers and smiles everywhere… so comforting to enter the peace of my home… the pleasure of sitting with my children… looking into their beloved faces as if I was seeing them for the first time… hugging them again and again as if to reassure myself that it was real and not some fantastic dream:)

But my best moment was when I took out my prayer rug and began to pray the Fajr salah… Oh yes! Allah is with me… anywhere and everywhere… He is my constant guardian… my creator, my provider, my lord… what a pleasure it was to “meet” Him once again… and I thought to myself how lucky I was that I had found the real purpose of salah… now I can meet Allah five times a day and even more than that if I want to!! I could almost see the Ka’ba with the eyes of my heart, simply by turning my face to it and by remembering all the times I had seen it with my eyes…

So this was the story of my unforgettable journey to the house of Allah and to the city of His Prophet (s.a.w). The best outcome of this experience is that my belief in the oneness of Allah has become the deepest conviction of my heart… Surely no one else has the right to be worshipped except Allah… no one can give life except him and no one can give any meaning to this life except Him. I am so glad He gave me both 🙂 Therefore no amount of gratitude can be enough to express my deepest appreciation for all His blessings which he has showered on me and my family. My only concern is that I might serve Him in the best possible way and convey to the whole world that to seek His closeness and Pleasure is the only way to success. May Allah help me to spread His message in the way that pleases Him… Ameen.



5 thoughts on “Hajj Journal – the 23rd and final episode!

  1. Assalam O alaikum Wa RahmatULLAH e Wa Barakatuh……..
    Dear Sister i kept on reading and reading the bits n pieces of the best journey of a muslim’s life, cudnt resist to comment with wet eyes each time but i never found words in the end and decided to comment later till i reach today when you have posted the final episode. In simple words if i say…….you have mentioned it as best as possible……on each turn n twist i feel like i am there in the most blessed cities ever originate on this earth. Moreover along with the short coming of ours in the performance of rituals, you have provided the ways to realize and improve. on each turn n twist a new lesson, a new emotion, a new passion and pray to be there raised . May ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) bless every muslim to be there at the most blessed place of the earth and bless us all with hidayah to be on Siraat e Mustaqeem and to lead our lives as per the teachings of Quraan and Sunnah (S.A.W).

    JazzakALLAH once again for such a nice post and keep on writing. Remember me in your duaas always that ALLAH (S.W.T) forgive me and bless me with a pure taste of Eemaan.

    JazzakALLAH Khair.

    ALLAH Hafiz

    • Wa Alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu…
      JazakAllah khairan for writing such an encouraging comment. Alhamdulillah I feel so blessed that my articles have been beneficial for you. May Allah enable me to spread His message in the best possible way. Ameen

  2. Assalamalikum Sr,

    I have been following your blog for the past 2 years alhamdulillah.I have found my faith renewed and strengthened everytime I read your posts.mashAllah its a gift from Allah SWT.Words truly can heal and you write beautifully mashallah.I have also been an on and off follower of Al huda.Allah SWT has placed Dr Farhat hashmi amongst us as a doctor to cure all spiritual illness.I feel so peaceful when I listen to her alhamdulilalh.May Alllah SWT guide us all to His mercy and grace inshallah.
    I’d like to know if I could email you personally.Its regarding some issues in my life and I want to talk to someone and learn how to deal with them.

    Jazak Allah khayr once again

    • JazakAllah khairan for your lovely comment. All praise and thanks is for Allah who gives us the opportunity to serve His Deen. May Allah help us to do things the way He wants… Ameen.
      You can mail me on help.guidance@gmail.com

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