Alhamdulillah today I have understood so clearly something which has happened to me countless times but I always got on the wrong side of it and further made things difficult for myself.
As a human being we have a mix of good and bad… some strong charcteristics mixed up with weaknesses. When we live up to the good we feel good and naturally when we go down with some weakness then we feel terrible. The thing to remember at such times is that shaitan is using my weakness to defeat me and I have to work against him by using the good qualities which Allah has blessed me with. That is why tazkiyah is so important. But my problem is that I was always focusing on my bad points and giving no credit to the good ones. The result is that when some day I am not able to accomplish my target I would start blaming myself and then would feel resentful why am I so bad… then would blame people or the environment and again my own self… going round and round in circles not reaching anywhere… exhausted and depleted… would resort to sleep… wasting more time and feeling even more angry and depressed.
But alhamdulillah today I have realized this mistake and inshaAllah I am going to write some reminders about my real enemy… So that instead of losing all my energy on self blame… I should plan and work against the devil… with Allah’s help and guidance inshaAllah.