A sister wrote to me asking why have I not been adding anything new to the blog and also to get some advice about her problems in marriage and her depression which is destroying her life. In an effort to help her I wrote the following reply. My purpose of publishing it is that it might be useful for others too. May Allah guide us all ….
My Dear Sister…
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
Thanks a lot for writing to me and reminding me of my responsibility of writing on the blog… I have just had a very disturbed time in which was tied up with a lot of things and I am so poor in time management and more importantly self management… so that the most important things of my life have been badly neglected for which I ask Allah’s forgiveness…
The problem which you have discussed is not an uncommon one… I guess about 75% of women are suffering from this dilemma… specially those who are imaginative and idealistic… they cannot be soothed by money or other compensations… they have to have the man of their choice… but let me tell you something… and you must try to understand (as well as believe in it) that EVEN IF YOU GET THE IDEAL MAN you will STILL BE UNHAPPY… why? because dear sister it is in our nature that we get tired and bored from the same things which we dream of. Imagine how many dresses you bought in your life which seemed to you so precious and adorable but as soon as you bought a new one, the old one appeared less valuable and when a third new suit was bought the first one was ready to be worn in the kitchen and so on… same is the case with everything in life… you might say that people are different than clothes but even if you remain happy with your spouse, there will be other problems, which might be impossible for you to bear. So believe me that Allah knows best which problems we can overcome and which ones are beyond our capacity. And you know very well that life is a test and Allah will surely test us with one thing or the other.
Although it appears to be a very gloomy picture but you can derive immense benefit from the same situation in which you are. Imagine that you get paid a million rupees for every hour you spend in pain… will you still be sad? If you get two million per hour for doing something positive even while your heart is not happy? what will you do? sit idle and cry for yourself? no sir! you will get up and try your best to earn two million instead of one. And if you get the offer of ten million for making the other person happy even when you don’t like him? what will you do? Believe me that you will be so busy in thinking of the different ways to make him happy and earn the ten million, that you won’t even have time to remember whether you love him or not…. tell me is it not the truth?
So LISTEN to me carefully because I am going to tell you a secret!!!
Allah is making this offer right now… the only difference is that the rewards are much much higher than any amount of millions that we know… it is the reward of paradise and a life so beautiful and endless pleasures that you cannot even imagine… the only way you can earn this great reward is by going through this problematic phase in your life with a POSITIVE SPIRIT… constantly remind yourself of the rewards higher than millions… and think of the ways in which you can make life beautiful for your husband… the more it is difficult the higher will be your rewards… and I promise you that within the first few days Allah will give you immense pleasure in this activity… just believe in Allah and his immense power to give you whatever you want…. He is just testing your belief for a few days… So be a good girl now and start earning the millions at once…
love you for being such a nice sister
and may Allah help you in your trials