As a Muslim I had a firm belief from a very young age that the bad things which we do in our life have a bad consequence in the hereafter. And I suppose we all believe in this basic concept; but even then we have a casual attitude towards sins. It’s because we think that the consequence is so far away and so it doesn’t seem very urgent or important. And then we take undue advantage of the fact that Allah is so merciful, inshaAllah in the hereafter too he will forgive us all and we will live happily ever after… Thus with this false sense of security we move on and on towards the fulfillment of our desires, not caring whether it is right or wrong.
Recently I started reading a book “Dawa-e-shafi” (the healing medicine) written by the famous scholar Ibnul Qayyim Al-jawziyyah… The lessons of this book revolve around the theme that the consequences of our sins are not just in the hereafter but we have to face them in this life too. I was shocked to know that my “mistakes” or sins were the chief responsible factor for the problems that I face. All along I was trying to analyze others and blamed other people for hindering my way towards the straight path but it was a shock to realize that I myself was my biggest enemy. This realization really depressed me and I felt like there was no way I could be saved from this web of desires and consequent diversions from the straight path. After one lesson I even observed that there is a great contradiction between my thoughts and my actions. I believe with utmost certainty in the akhirah and I want to rush towards Allah’s forgiveness and mercy with top speed… but when I get down to doing those things which will earn me Allah’s pleasure, my speed becomes so slow and I am hindered by all sorts of excuses and problems. For a while I kept thinking that it is the shaitan but then where does the shaitan go when I am talking to someone about some interesting topic? Where is the shaitan when I am eating my favourite food or cooking a new dish involving so much time and energy? Where does my illness and weakness go?
Sure enough it became so clear to me that the energy is in desire… so if I have no energy for tahajjud then it means there is no real or strong desire for Allah’s company? And if there is no desire then there must be something wrong with my faith… so is my faith real or is it just a litany of words? This question really made me so depressed that I cannot express…
Well this morning when I read Surah Ad-Dahr I got the answer and it is so amazing that I couldn’t see it like this before…
Wa Ma Tasha’una illa an-yasha’ullah…(76:30) And you cannot want except that Allah wants. Indeed, Allah is All knowing, All Wise.
This ayah is the same one which had attracted me from day one and I hadn’t known that one day it will restore my faith too…
I understood the following meaning from it:
I cannot put the real and true desire in my heart for anything until Allah allows my heart to feel that desire. My mistake was that I had thought that just by intellectually believing in something, my heart will automatically believe as well… and my nafs will start cooperating in the accomplishment of the requirements of faith. And I hadn’t understood that I have to ask Allah for putting the true desire of His love in my heart. I have to ask Him to put the desire of good things in my heart… I have to keep asking till the end of my life because this precious desire can never be owned… we are beggars in front of Allah and we just don’t realize it and that is why He puts us through so much pain when we bang our heads against the same walls again and again mistaking them for doors… while the real door remains right there in front of the eyes and we are so blinded by “worldly desires” that we don’t see that door.
May Allah guide us all… Ameen
p.s. you can study this book on the following link: