Sometimes there are differences between family members but if we are not careful then these minor differences can become issues which then lead to a lot of resentment and anger… even hatred. The best thing that the devil loves to do is to break your relationships so that when you are totally cut off from love and support of family and friends then he can easily take you far away from Allah and His love and obedience. It is so easy to get depressed and hopeless when your loved ones start making life difficult for you but obviously getting depressed is not a solution. So what should you do if things have got messed up and you feel alone and helpless? This has become such a common thing nowadays that I thought of listing down some practical steps under the title: “How to deal with difficult people”
1- Before saying anything to them first pray two rakah and “talk” to Allah. Recall your sins and ask for forgiveness.
2- Pray to Allah that He should open your heart towards whoever is being unjust or unkind to you. Ask Allah to heal your heart and fill it with a loving and kind forgiveness for whatever they have done to you so far. Ask Allah to wash off all the grudges because unless your own heart is clear, your good words or actions will have no effect at all.
3- do all the lawful things which make them happy…. cook their favourite foods… buy them favourite things… wear their favourite clothes… keep the environment free from things they dislike. DON”T PROVIDE ANY SPARK FOR THE DEVIL TO START HIS JOB…. HIS BIGGEST SUCCESS IS IN BREAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS…and keep praying to Allah that He may protect you from the whispers of shaitan who will make you think of negative things like “you are never going to succeed with this person” He can never be happy… he hates you… he has never done anything for you so why are you being a slave to his desires. He does not deserve this kindness and so on and so forth. REMEMBER THAT YOUR FIGHT IS AGAINST SHAITAN AND NOT YOUR LOVED ONES. They seem to be making life hell for you and showing hatred, anger or other negative behaviour which of course is very painful to bear. But it will become easy if you continue to remind yourself that they are only following the whispers of the devil. They really love you but have become helpless because of their own weakness against the shaitan. They think that they are expressing their own emotions but the fact is that they are just acting on impulse and the real emotion is love… no matter how well hidden it might be.
4- You can never hope to succeed against the shaitan if you make angry comments. Rather just get away if possible or remain quiet. Wait out the bad periods and say A’uzubillah.
5- This life is a test. Allah has promised that He will surely test you with something or the other so STOP EXPECTING a normal happy life in this world which is simply an impossible thing. SO STOP PITYING YOURSELF that you have such a hard time…. think of others who are not in this difficulty but they have other tests which are far more horrific that you can ever imagine. SO THANK ALLAH FOR SPARING YOU FROM ALL THOSE TESTS. Alhamdulillahi Allazi afaani mimma ibtalahu bihi….
6- If the hatred and anger of one person hurts you so much then give respite to your heart by thinking of the hundreds of people who love and respect you. Imagine the light in their faces when they see you.
7- Remember that no one was tested more than Allah’s Prophet (s.a.w) who was the most beloved to Him. So tests are not a sign of Allah’s displeasure with us as we believe. Rather it is the opposite! Prophet (s.a.w) was the most praiseworthy person on earth but remember how much his closest relatives tried to kill him with their taunts and hurtful behaviour. Yet He kept praying for them and never took revenge. If you love him and think of Him as your guide and role model then you must also be soft and kind and endlessly forgiving.
8- Crying is only in front of Allah…. begging is only in front of Allah… With people you should be kind but retain your dignity. Do not show any weakness of emotion… anger is weakness, self-pity is weakness, and bad temper is weakness… if you cannot smile and forgive just say ta’awwuz and leave the place. Make wuzu… get busy in some other work. Pray to Allah
9- Be firm and steadfast in your zikr and Ibaadah. Don’t relax your Nafs. Fight against it… train it… so that it acts for your benefit and does not become a traitor in your war against the devil.
10- INCREASE your gratefulness, charity and cheerfulness. Talk positive, be kind, helpful. STOP BEING SELF CENTRED.
After you take all these steps and still things don’t improve then remember that whatever good you have done will come back to you sooner or later. Allah has promised in the Quran that He never wastes the reward of the excellent people. So never lose hope in the mercy of Allah. Keep working and keep smiling with the confidence that Allah created you and He loves you. May Allah help us to remember gratitude in happiness and patience in difficulties… Ameen.