Marriage- a blessing and a test

In Surah Ar-Room Allah says:

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.

Obviously marriage is a great sign of Allah’s mercy that He arranged for us such a relationship which is so deep and powerful that two people who might be complete strangers can join together and form a bond which can last a lifetime. Allah has put so much love and mercy in this bond but it is a test for us how much we develop it. It is very much like the gift of a plant. Someone might give us a lush green potted plant as a gift but if we want to benefit from its freshness and beauty we must know how to care for it otherwise it will dry out and nothing will remain but a burden of responsibility which we can neither throw out the window nor can enjoy it…

Imagine a fruit tree. Two people own it and therefore they share the responsibility of nurturing it. But more than fulfilling a duty, there should be a feeling of love and devotion. Otherwise each one would want just the fruit and expect the other one to water it and care for it. Now if one of them loves the tree and the other is totally selfish and is interested in just the fruit then it is common sense that the one who loves it will keep on caring for it regardless of the attitude of the other person. Thus it is a lesser loss and a lesser sorrow. Because although it is terribly sad to see the selfishness of the partner but there is still some satisfaction in the beauty and shade of the tree. The other choice would be to leave the tree to die away in neglect but then that is a greater loss.

In marriage sometimes we face this situation. For some people it can be a temporary test but for some it might be a lifetime battle of nerves. But the safest way to come out successfully through this test is to become even more focused on the duties so that the emotional deprivation of not getting rights can be compensated by a sense of achievement of doing the best that you can with your family. Keep a forgiving attitude. Daily forgive those who hurt you and ask Allah to put peace in your heart despite their hurting behaviour but also pray that no grudge should eat your good deeds. Because more than the injustice of others it is the grudges and bad feelings that take away the life from your heart. Involve yourself in helping others. This is a great balm for broken expectations. Focus your thoughts and energies in solving problems of people who are even worse off than you are. For this you might need to learn new skills, or maybe you will need to enhance your education by reading books on certain topics. This will further give a direction to your life and will make you more beloved in the eyes of Allah. Because Allah loves those who do sabar even when they are in extremely miserable situations…And whom Allah loves, can never be at a loss, neither in this life nor the next… InshaAllah

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