Islam is a religion of peace and peace cannot be attained without patience and forgiveness. In all our relationships with people, the most significant one is between husband and wife because on this depends the start of a whole new generation. Our upbringing of the children might be very good and we might spend fortunes on their education and shower them with boundless love and affection but their character building cannot be complete unless they see us in a harmonious relationship with our spouses. When we say that environment is so important for the growth of an individual we forget that for the most part the relationship between parents and their attitude and behaviour towards one another constitutes the greatest part of the environment in which our children live. We talk about goodness to our children and patience and forgiveness but the real lesson which they learn is not through our speeches but the way we behave towards the other when he or she is not saying what we want to hear or not doing what we expect. If you think about it all our disputes arise from a hurt ego or the dissatisfaction of our self or the deprivation of our needs. So it worries me when I see that this ego of ours is given so much importance and nurtured to such an extent that each individual feels that the world revolves around him. So when two such individuals are united in a relationship they will love or care only when they are loved or cared for in the way that they like. Each is trapped in the shell of his and her own importance…..this then gives rise to a series of hurts and confrontations and arguments.
Then the other factor is materialism. Money becomes an issue and you start judging the husband’s affection in terms of the money he lavishes on you. This materialism forms the basis of marriage and you just have to look around and see how marriages our being conducted nowadays…they are not functions anymore but extravaganzas! So where will this materialism and egotism lead us but to dissatisfaction and resentment.
I pray that parents who are preparing for the weddings of their children remember to spend as much time and attention on the aspect of educating their children for this responsibility of starting a new family, as much as they do on the dresses and make up and food and stage etc…we all need to come back to reality…life is not a fairy tale but a test which starts as soon as the makeup is washed and the real face emerges with all its imperfections.