A sister wrote the following mail and I was very impressed by her analysis of the Ayat 34 of Surah Fussilat (chapter 41)
“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by
that [deed] which is better…” [Fussilat: 34]
If someone does bad to you, be patient
If someone harms you, be forgiving
If someone behaves ignorantly, be forbearing
If someone deals harshly, be gentle
If someone withholds from you, be generous
If someone wrongs you, be just
If someone argues with you, be silent
If someone opposes you, be well-wishing
If someone dejects you, be optimistic
If someone accuses you, be honest
If someone proves you wrong, be humble
If someone makes a mistake, be merciful
“…and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity
[will become] as though he was a devoted friend.” [Fussilat: 34]
But after pondering on it for a while I was tempted to send back this list and add two words after every line…”but how”
If someone does bad to you, be patient….But how?
If someone harms you, be forgiving…….But how?
Because most of us know what to do but do not know how to do that.
So I kept thinking and came up with the following solution:
Complain to Allah and to no one else
Because when you complain to people they unintentionally increase your feelings of resentment. E.g. you tell someone your servant is not doing his work properly and immediately you will get the advice of being hard in treatment…aap nay kiyun itna sar par charha kar rakha hua hai? (why are you so nice to them?) etc etc
on the other hand if you tell Allah then not only the fire of anger cools down but also Allah makes you see the positive side of the picture (which by the way is present in every picture whether we recognize or not)
In short we should refrain from voicing our feelings of anger and resentment except in front of Allah. Only He can save us from taking a revengeful attitude otherwise it is not easy to take everything so lightly when our ego is hurt!!!