Light of love…

 

More than three years back…  in end of April, 2005, I was going through one of my depressive phases, and I couldn’t sleep….. At about 2 am I started wandering around the sleepy house when I came upon this book that I had been reading those days, “Muhammad” (s.a.w) by martin lings. I flipped the pages purposelessly and came upon a writing in Italics. It was the translation of some ayaat. I started reading……… “By the morning brightness and by the night when it is still” (how could I not feel that Allah was talking to me in the stillness of the night!!) by the way I was totally unfamiliar with this surah and didn’t know its name even or in what context had it been revealed; and at that moment of time I didn’t even think of it that way, that these are words written in the Quran. For me it was Allah saying those words and that was all that mattered……..I read on and felt Allah’s pure love and mercy washing over me “your Lord has not forsaken you nor does he hate you “ (oh really !!! My heart cried out and my eyes began to let out a stream of hot unshed tears…..) “And the last shall be better for you than the first, and your Lord will give and give unto you, and you shall be satisfied.”  But how? And when? (The usual question of the ignorant ordinary people, reminding me of my status as nothing else but a common human being whom Allah had chosen to give the Quran)  Here come Allah’s reminders”Had he not found you an orphan and sheltered you “(was Allah looking at me all those years of childhood when I had to live away from my parents……….. The life of an orphan? It means I can now stop feeling sorry for that poor little girl, she hadn’t been as alone, after all as I had thought her to be)   ” and found you astray and guided you” ( Oh Yesssss ) ” and found you needy and enriched you ?” ( of course He had ) So what do I do now , just wait and see? No Allah said to me ” So for the orphan, oppress him not, and for the beggar, repel him not, and for the bountiful grace of your Lord, proclaim it “

          The next day I turned on the Qirat of Mishaary Rashid and listened to this surah (which I came to know was Ad-Duha)…again and again and yet again for good part of an hour and so learned it with all the beauty of the words and the beauty of the meaning. I wanted to inscribe it in my heart forever and ever. I wrote down its English translation over and over again so that I will never forget how much Allah means to me…

    I love Him so much for all His blessings on me But How will I ever, ever be able to do shukr ?  This love wants expression in the form of good deeds and bringing others in the folds of this peace but so far the doors seem to be closed tight on me and I am just yearning to fly…………….

 

 

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